I was checking Facebook when I noticed my friend Paul’s status update. It read something like: “We need participants, get drunk for science!” Well, Paul’s a nice guy and I’d do anything for science, so I responded. I’m never chosen for those things anyway.
I have no interesting medical abnormalities, don’t smoke or abuse any substances and worse yet I’m biracial so I can’t even fit in one chart.
The UIC Alcohol and Caffeine Research lab responded wanting more information and much to my surprise, three emails later, we made a science date for that upcoming Saturday morning. Caffeine enriched alcoholic beverages (vodka and Red Bull, Jack and Coke) aren’t really anything new but some research suggests that combining the two substances might lead to impaired judgment and probably makes it a whole lot harder for someone whose had too much liquor to sleep it off. There are certain bans on such drinks in some areas, but more research is needed to determine whether these beverages have any more of a detrimental effect than liquor alone.
Later that day, I told my friend Rod about the conditions of the study. I was not to drink any alcohol within 24 hrs of the study. I was not to eat within 4 hours of the study. I was not to have caffeine within two hours of the study.
Rod: “You can’t eat and then they’re going to pump you full of caffeine and alcohol?”
Me: “Yep.”
Rod: “You’re going to puke.”
Me: “I am absolutely going to puke...Everywhere.”
The day of the study, I navigated the bizarrely structured building until I found the room where a friendly, yet serious young man sat waiting for me. He asked some preliminary questions and then asked me if I was comfortable taking a pregnancy test. Later in the bathroom, as I filled the Dixie cup, I thought how this would probably be one of the more interesting ways to find out that type of thing (apparently, it happened earlier this study). Establishing that I wasn’t pregnant, he took my height and weight and after telling me to blow really hard and then smirking to himself, I took a breathalyzer which yielded a curious .03, although my last drink had been a whole four days prior. Wikipedia tells me that the effects of having this BAC are mild euphoria, a sense of well – being, relaxation, joyous feelings, talkativeness and decreased inhibition, with impaired alertness, judgment, coordination and concentration. Mind you, this is how I came in.
Later I waited for another researcher in a small oddly shaped room on a leather chair, staring at three full bottles of vodka, sitting next to two bottles of cranberry juice. If this was any indication of how the study was going to go, I wasn’t going to make it to the grocery store that day. Ten minutes later, Dave, tall and precise, dressed in a white lab coat introduced himself and asked a few more questions. I then took a computer test that mostly asked questions attempting to ascertain my feelings, overall emotional state and how risky I became while intoxicated, or even if my judgment was impaired while feeling particularly happy. Afterwards, I played a computer game where every time I clicked on a balloon, I got one penny and I could keep clicking it until it exploded, but once it exploded (some could only be clicked a few times, others hundreds of times), I wouldn’t get anything and instead would have to move on to another balloon. However, there was a button that put money into the permanent bank and once I pressed that I got the money, but had to move on to a different balloon. There was 30 balloons total. Basically, risky behavior yields better results, but behavior that was too risky wouldn’t yield much. For this, I got a meager $5.43.
The next game featured X’s and O’s falling down the screen and I had to move the mouse to grab X’s while avoiding O’s. Sometimes I’d have absolute control and other times I would feel like the mouse was fighting me. At the end of it, I’d have to rate how well I thought I did and how much control I felt I had. After these two computer games, Dave came back and opened the vodka.
By some formula, known only to him, Dave calculated the amount of 100 proof (50% alcohol) vodka I was going to get, as well as how much cranberry juice would be mixed with it. He filled a 36 oz. pitcher with the solution and told me I’d be drinking one 12oz. drink every ten minutes for the next half hour. While this was happening, I would be watching The Fox and The Hound, to gently lower me into intoxication. So I sat there slugging my cocktail which tasted a lot like rubbing alcohol and watching the improbable interspecies relationship unfold.
I’d thought that I was supposed to get buzzed enough (or caffeinated and buzzed enough) to impact my decision making abilities, but after finishing the last drink, I was absolutely tanked. All of a sudden, everything was pretty damn funny and I was pretty damn relaxed. I sat there laughing to myself and watching the cartoon and altogether having a blast when Dave came in and told me it was time to switch off the movie. Trying to suppress the smirk that just wouldn’t go away I turned towards the late 1970’s model BAC reader and blew as hard as I could for ten seconds. The machine buzzed.
That’s when Dave started to swear. A lot of ‘holy shit!’ and confused noises, followed by him leaving the room and making a phone call. I looked around, giggling and confused and straining to hear his conversation. A few minutes later, Dave came back.
He explained that something was amiss. The study was only supposed to bring my BAC to .08, but interestingly, mine had skyrocketed to .11. Wikipedia tells me that this BAC corresponds with over expression, emotional swings, feeling angry, sad or boisterous, with impairments of reaction time, gross motor control, and staggering and slurred speech. I felt pretty good to be honest. I texted some friends with suggestions for what we ought to do that weekend, then I didn’t remember having texted them when they texted back. I called my fiancé and he had a damn hardy guffaw at my inability to stabilize my voice or pronunciation. During the second round of video games, I kicked ass on the balloon game, making around $10. After the videogame session, the lab was done, but waiting until my BAC dropped enough to head home alone would take another four hours which we filled with YouTube videos, political discussion and The Office Christmas Special. I was out by early evening which was good because as it turns out, I didn’t get the sample with caffeine.
